Rapper Kanye West has cancelled all remaining dates on his Saint Pablo tour citing that he feels that he needs to spend more time with his ego. He has said that tickets would not be refunded because people still get to keep the ticket and any ticket with the name ‘Kanye West’ on it is worth millions. “They can make the ticket money back on Ebay”
Rumour has it that since his wife Kim Kardashian was robbed at gunpoint Kayne has been seriously worried that the same could happen to his ego and despite trebling security his ego still managed to get hurt after the Grammys were ‘rigged”. The ego is expected to make a full recovery.
The Saint Pablo tour, which includes West performing above the stage on an innovative “floating” platform, was scheduled for a further 21 dates before the end of 2016. He claimed on stage that “A crazy person can’t do all this” he said “A crazy person can’t make this floating stage” A stage technician who did not wish to be named explained “We have tried telling him how we make the stage floats but he thinks he is doing it with his mind”
West, who last week accused himself of voting for Donald Trump, will now take a break from music and his 6234 other business ventures to be with and stoke his ego.
Donald Trump announced today that to make America great again he would be recalling everything American from around the world. In his speech President Trump said “America has always been a country of giving, we have giving the Middle East democracy, Vietnam freedom and the world God but now it is time to take it all back, oh and bricks, we need lots and lots of bricks”
War ships will be sent to Europe to gather up everything Disney, other than Pocahontas. A ban has been placed on Hamburgers and hot dogs being sold outside of American territories and a peanut butter and cheese in a can armistice will last the month. The UN have called an emergency meeting to try and find out what cheese in a can is.
British Prime Minister Theresa May said ‘We have a special relationship with America, Mr Trump even follows me on Twitter. Out of respect we have agreed to remove the 4th of July from our calendars as it belongs to the American people’ She added ‘We will also be renaming soccer ‘not American Football’
A list of things that should be returned to America are The Coca-Cola truck (Xmas is cancelled), Brad Pitt, Americanos, Guns, Michael Jackson merchandise (later years only), suing people, Bin Laden family members, Eagles, the bird and the band (Although Bald Eagles now have to wear wigs) and Gerard Butler (as part of a deal to keep Bradly Cooper).